GENERAL SUGGESTION THAT CROSS THE AGES
Not only is this a stressful time for children but for adults as well. With everything going on in the world, it is easy to forget what matters most. Our children need us more than ever to pray with them, hold them, listen to them and play with them. There are many terrible things going on in the world but in the eyes of your child, you have a reminder of God’s love. Let His love guide you and your family through this difficult time. More than anything our children need our time to help them heal this loss. Below are some general suggestions for all ages.
Pray – St John Kronstadt said, “Prayer is the destruction of fear.” Pray for your child and with your child. Teach your child how to pray using prayers, hymns, Psalms and Services of the church. Let them see you praying!
Listen – As adults, we often spend time talking to children; now is a time to listen. Don’t try to tell them how they feel or attempt to fix what they are feeling. Just listen and let them know you hear them. Be available to them and talk to them on their terms. If they are not ready to talk, don’t force them to. Listening to children takes special skills. They might not be able to tell you what they are feeling or even know what they are feeling. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart.
Read – Reading is a very powerful tool for all ages. Use books to spark discussion and help make sense of this difficult subject. Even if children can read for themselves have them read the books with you. If they are “too old” for children’s books, have them read them to younger siblings. Some of the suggested books are only appropriate for certain ages, but many are classics that transcend age. Read to them from the bible. There are many stories of God taking something bad and making it work for His Glory… just look at the Crucifixion and Resurrection.
Hold – Touch is our most powerful sense. During difficult times, it can communicate what words cannot. Holding your child can help reassure them that you are there for them and can help you remember that there is still good in the world. Hold on tight and thank God that He has blessed you with the precious gift of your child.
Play – During times of extreme trial, we think it inappropriate to play. Play is how children and adults relieve stress. Even though it will be hard, find sometime to play, laugh and relax for yourself and your children.
Turn Off the TV – Many of us have been fixed to the television since the tragedy occurred on September 11th. We spend hours watching the horrible events played over and over again. Seeing this over and over impacts us as adults. The stress felt when seeing this is compounded for children. Very young children should avoid watching these television images. Even though you think they may be too young to comprehend what is going on, they are taking in more than you may think. Elementary age children and adolescents should watch limited television. It is advisable that a parent be present to talk with them afterwards when appropriate.
Get Help – This is a very stressful time for families and for our nation. You do not need to live close to the tragedy sites or even know someone affected by this to be having a difficult time. Know when you or you child needs more help. Talk to your parish priest or counselor.